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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 22, 1897)
J hV '. -H' A -.TERRIBLE : TEMPER. W If there U nuy thing especially oli- I i,,us 111 till', nvowcii .nihil .miipiiy, lii solemn conclusion, " It I Interfer ence with Hit' affairs of others; but In i:. i. case I said to myself, 'Duty, Mary Ami,. Murphy, duly!' " n:" gasped Jessica. Flic liml Blink l,.i,k In tin1 roselierlbboned nit tan p kiT iii iilu a tremor of dismay. a very charming room, this suburban i .. , t : . . r. Into which gold ImrM of snu ..IiIiii' hlllliri'i) through the linlf-elosod i neiliiiiM. Wortliy even of pretty T . - a - It. with Itii tiled hardwood ;'. ii h sliver-fox anil hcnrsklu rugs, I Madras-draped windows, lis quaint ly 'iiKilerii niniitel of polished oak. Uk n r. lii l ie chairs, It H grotesque tables, r il.imiv aquarelles, 1 1 h Chinese ;ilil iio.s, its hlciulor but admirably chosen i. !!. c ilmi of bisque and I.imngcs. Ainl surely .ye, however critical, could crave no tweeter picture than Villi' Miss Itay niiiile In tier pale blue hii.'iIi tea Kimn, cascaded with Valeti . l.mi.n. mid all her bronze-bright rlp-l-ly hair braided In childish fashion itiiw n her hack. lu) Just now tlie love ly i.iee wns curiously odorless, the pur ple blue rye wide anil KtanW under tl.i-.r I, .nu' In alio. llnte n rdjciice ntter that shnrp rTi lamatloii of Jessica's. MIks Murphy oiibl alToril to be silent, 'She lr pped lier xiiin 11 shell niiil hud ex .I'd tvltli a most KiitlNfai'tory report, Mie sat rigidly erect In the coneclou-iie-s nf duty done, every fold of her black silk vihltlng costume Htirr with propriety, every iioinpoti on the brown hi, go lioliuet brlMlliiB with nsiccla .bility. " I don't believe a word 'of It." de flated JehNlca, slowly. Jl iniiiolite, the remark wan In no de isri'i Insolent. It was simply (he ulter jn.ee of a eonvletlon. Mlhs Muiphy n.s not otTi'liiled. She removed her ::i.v from a k'W lt Van KIIou'h on the I !'hlle wall t fflhten It on the iikI l.i'r.l luil,. J.nly Iii the rtw ker. It took eiiduriiuee on Jesslea'H part to it n My under the wnitlii.v of thohe fmj- ! Iillle i-yt'H -eyeij tl'lerailt, plileid. I' .lining, ns thoNL' of a bililKniiiit old It Ik true, my dear. lie o.-tlil It. I li'iird him with my own ears:-' Ti ls really was iinaiiKwerable. "They were In the front junior." pnr-m;.-'1 .lihs Mui-jiliy, folditiK lier plump. t:ii: i:1,'Ved hands with actiraviuliiK 1'iMire and Ferenlty. "I sat sewing Jim behind tile portiere. I never would I bnve Ma Id cuiild I only have foretold j what nan comlni;. They had been talking nlmnt other things, and were hi!, in fur it while. Suddenly my Ned Iuim out IntighiiiK. you've "eon I ' i .' he said, 'and you don't fan.-y h"r, eh-' l iiiiey her,' echoed Jaek. 'Wti!, J Mi.'iild say not: " "Neil?' urged Jesslea, sieadl1;'. vhe would hear It out. she told lier '1f flie would every word of It! "Well, then." olowly, to heli;htet) by np, i:e the effect of her naTnMve. "N'd Mild, The iMiyg aro'ind here ail lik.. her Immensely. Koy J'ates ! s a dalsvr " says inoaned Jessica. "You must e-piisi- ilnit uediew of tnlne, my l-nr; 'ii iviIl'.v must. Ned but rejteati li.K hear. HesldeH, you know, h Ik 1 nillv sa,,'l tin." III..., a boy yet-Just IS. What Xtd is of uo Inijiortauee. l'loasi go sat erect again, very jiale aril ' lallve. Indeed. I' you ItiHlst ou hearing," hesltat V. "Jack rejdlisl, 'Well. I duti't. I j'lxt at first. I confess for awhile d. eelvi d me. Hut a few days gave nough of her.' Ned shUI: -Why. ill thought you were In great luck 111.- (Ii,i hlii' in,. We b' -vt her.' -I.tn k!' erled Jack In aii "' i. so loud my dir, I fairly Jump "I I.iirk! Yes, the most confounded e ,,f bad luck I ever struck." I am ashamed gny mj. ,j,,ar 1)tl, , hll "t-o-loua J must say that here Ned. i" ' nirrleil away by his youthful ethics, liujiiired: 'Can't you get ' "' of It V And Jack said: 'Confound It, j "' That's the worst of It. I can't t'.-'k hiii ji n iitract vlth any honor t , ii,.i ...Jf. j;,,, 01j. Wsll WUI, (1,1(r i''ll.. xtnnd In my sboca Just now. I've 1 11 'ii, d m Hike lier, and I've got to do " ' ''t It's a deuced bad bargflin'-idi, 'b ar .Iu..iea, you're not golnh' to f.i i.i " .1 k'il.t, " put out her hand retiresslns L'estnro With ' ". Miss Muridiy, I am not going to r":l' 'il'iitalir Murpby was rather illsroneert j'' H-rsheii had not exploded noisily, :t " ''' Hut now that the smoke was ''"'.'tig nwny she, nt whose feet It ' ' n Hung, was not dead -not even Uo'.l.dnl 1 l elieve that was all, for Just t:., n . Is I.,. I ll . fi.'l.t h r m 1 II one oy,. summoiied Jack. Hut "nt out he called back to Ned: "' )'ou at rtr ant's to-niorrow '" 'I talk this unfortunate blun- r tj;.iin. lte In my study at l'h ' I i'oii there " Al that really Is all?" Queried J, - U.S. I'llle her own possessed self ".i;:i -Mi. ilr,,,, l :id ;,i m li i f , "I v, Murphy started. To once more !' similes, her balloon, which ;' 'I up so stralghtly and secure- ( ii. had suddenly collapsed and i :e with startling rajiidity. j "il, Uilnk." severely. "It would I Is- l""' eiioiu.h - -u' You know aa'overdoae of poi-1 ' ,.i)tu. lu, i 1 1 . ii n lu' ' m W-- - r " Ml I son ixrasloiiiilly counteracts the effect of a lesser ijuantlty, u. id I think." with a Millie charmingly confidential. "It Ik something the same way with g,sip iiou i you? ' It was .Miss Murphy's turn to gasp. Such a girl: Hut then one never could nnderstaiid Jessica Kay. Miss Murphy thought it was time to go. With the cessation of conversation roncriiln,. personal affairs her Interest died a nat ural death. She was averse to wading In foreign waters. The Inodorous (MMd scummed over with village scandal suf Heed her. She feared audit i ... "lioodby. my dear." wlih u bewil dered shake of the tluclc! bounci. -j am so sorry I had to tell you. j.f,. u full of unpleasant duties, j m ver lik to Interfere In other cop(.' affaliw. Charity. I always say; 'charity and silence.' If there Is anything I juirllc ularly detest It Is talebearing. Wl, as I said, I must Ik- going. ;lMid by, Uiy dear. I'm so glad you Uuti't mind." " loihl-by," cordially. "We nil thought," ,au-lng at the door for a panliiK thrust, "that It was to be not only a marriage de convenanee, but a genuine love affair on l,Hi sides." "Indeeiir' said Jessica, brightly ureli- ing her jiretty brows. And tlii-ii at last the door closed on her visitor's broad, black-silk back. The blilheiiess born of bravado dh-d out of little MS Hay's face. Sho went slow ly buck to I lie rose beribbolied nicker and sat down therein for a good. heart sick, discontented, inortlilcd, miserable cry. When hhe had been very, very young and charming, and Jin k Suther land an awkward lad of 10, their fath ers had ilaiiiied a marriage In the fu ture. 'J'he planning stood, by the way. II) miii hii h p'. 'ii My substantial basis, looking at the affair from a financial point of view. Soon after Jack's father had died and Jack had gone to live with his mother's relatives In lliiglaud. I lo carried with Iii tti the memory of a pair of sweet eyes, for all the world like b!g, blue, (lew-wet forget ine liiits, fur wee ,les s,'H had parted from her playmate with a imrticulaily tender and protesting farewell. Tw elve years pas.nl. Neltli er chafed as In uuvcllstlc traditions bound - against the paternal decision of their child! d. No fair Kngl!li maid eu displaced his first love In .lack's loyal heart. As for Jessica, she had grown to think of Jack as a hero w ho was coming across the sea to claim her. When she anticipated that coining be fore her mind's eye forth jirauccd snowy charger bearing a plumed knight. One day, Just two weeks ago It was, she went dow n to the draw lug room In response to the servant's aiiiiounci incut. A gentleman standing In the window turned at her entrance. lie came swiftly forward, both hands ex tended, bis face brightening with gay admiration. "It Is It Is- little Jessica I' She knew hi. .1 then. Without cur veted no splendid steed. Hy Ills side swung no Jeweled scabbard. Around his neck swung no mandolin. From his shoulder fell no cloak of ruby vel vet. Not stalwart siatured was he, nor raven haired, nor Hashing eyed. Not the grand creation of her girlhood's sweet foolish dreams, In truth, his riv als would have said, a very ordinary vounir man. Hut he had come: Jessica s lieart gave a great throb. A true worn an, though, ego, an arch-hypocrite,, she put her hand In his with an air of cool surprise, a touch of wcllbred reproof lu her greeting. "And vou are-Mr. Sutherland!" Neither had In any way suggested thi mIiI relation lu which they tacitly stood to each other, lloth felt tl li.iln that bound them, for all Its massive golden links a very frail and brittle one In the imssloiiate strength of youthful Im pulse. Neither would be slow to tllllg It ott If the bandage proved oppressive, However, It did hot. The childish. Ig norant, romantic affection which had bis'ii smoldering in their hearts since the sorrow ful parting of the playmates, at a word, a touch, a look, blazed up into a pure and strong and steady flame. f Ms courtship Jack Suther land made short work. Putting n'ide the understanding between their fath ers like the man he was he wooed her for her own sweet sake. Just two night ago he had told her lu his own direct fashion how dearly he loved her. And Jo.s.,ica-wcll. last evening had conn- the sapphire ring that-only hist evening and to-day this. If M;.'s Muni's licit little shell had not brought di-utli It lia.i eausisi palu akin t "It's the "It's the h t. money. ,..t;,I ll" nioaucJ Jcs.i a. .table money h" And tle tl 1 face etc wants. It 1 n'l in,' with dear grave smile brown eye . a." l-fo and ler a k : . i 1 . mid sic broke Hut ,h'W n crying nfre after aw llile she ,. rab-',-,'s lu , , !i 1:1 ary at as li -Ibit w ill--I b'.ug two very sn.all r two very p;nk ejes. "I to-night. And I'll I- ! 'I Ifl. And I'll le':'r , :"'' ii., I won't! I won't cuv, .;te n't , 1:1 he sdro I I'll l.s.k my very loiel : will!" And she del. Q As she (iin.e up the nrl HryatH's "small and early" j.liy-alwaj tlrst -,u th" tl i i,..p In HlnllZelilellt. tjllltf ,r nt M s. M!o Mur-M- ! ' a -! a be!:.-!i- lug vision litiie Miss lUy t-au:, r,-- UprM, star eyesj, amlltng, her illm, dusk draperies of lace trnlllDj soft! behind her, a huge cluster of violets as her iH'soiu. It was after 10 before ah could escnj'e from lier comjianlou and make her way to thp library. Her hand oil the p,,rti,re dividing thai apartment troiu the niuiuliig room, sh I'll us, d. Voices. She didn't Intend to iave drop, of course. It w as uulnteutlotial-. nil was said and over so quickly. P.iinlly of course It was dlshouorable, but I think as a rule we are n t apt U consider ijuestlons of honor with ex treme nicety wheu our hearts are wry sore. "I've decided to take her." Jack' quiet voice was saying, wearily. "It's the only thing 1 can do now." NCI sHike. "She's hk'.tttsli, I know, but iby way of consolation) she may outgrew that." Jes.lc.1 groatnsl Involunturlly. Jack glancisl toward the curtain. "Well, drop the subject." In a lower voice: "Keep It dark, like a g.shl boy. 1 don't want eople to know 1 am such a young fool as to be faken tu by a bag of bones, sit paint and dr.ifs." Joshli.i was plump as a purtr'.,i,, and her complexion was a "bloom" ,iit entisl by nature's self. Tim Illuming room was unlit save from the hull. Thank goodness for that! She felt her self grow Ing faint and d:7.zy. Was Hint .lack who talked so could It be- her Jack? "O, come now !" laughed Ned. "you know you are exaggerating. She's not quite as bad as that!" "Pretty nearly!" ruefully. "I don't so much mind her skltt)sliiies-I could break her of that. 1 flatter tnyself-but she has a terrible temper!" She must not faint, Jessica told her self frantically. O, she must tint! Wm that dark thing beside her lu the shad w of the portiere a fauteull. She sank down on It heavily, weakly, exhausted ly. Horror of horrors! It at tlrst sue. cumins! a second to her weight, Hu n moved, protested with vigorous ener gy, shrieked. AH faliitness banished. Jessica leaped to her fivt, lier soft, quick cry of alarm mingling with that uiutlled rour of rheumatic agony. "That's aunt!" gasjsMl Nisi. "Jessica!" cried Jack. He atnsle forward and (lung aside Uie jiortlere. The light from the library jiourtsl Into the shadowy morning room. It fell ou Jessica standing Just within, verv white and trembling, and It showed ou the floor a large and ungraceful beau of crushed drab silk and bugles, dis ordered "front," and grewsome groans. 1'or a moment they stisiil and stared speechless, ltut Miss Murjiliy kopt ou groaning. "What Is It nil nbout?" queried Ned bew llderedly, helping his aunt to rise. "I I," faltered Jessica, "sat down ou MLss Murphy!" "What " cried Ned. "We were eavesdropping," confessed Miss Murphy, with venomous candor, "and Jessica took me for a footstool and " "My darling" whispered Jack tun, not to Miss Murjihy) "I thought when I heard your voice you were hurt or " Jessica flamed ui. "How dare you? Stand back, slrl Here's your ring." She tugged brave ly, but It lilted well. "I have heard !n what manner you speak of uiu. No," disgustedly, "don't appear astonished! Itecall your conversation of yesterday morning with Ned Sales." Ned stared nt Is'lng thus abruptly referred to. Jack looked dazed. "I did not Intend to hear such another con versation as that which had been re lM'atisl to me, but I did. If I'm I'm," the rose crimsoning In her cheekJ, "skittish," bringing out the hut of u I word with a Jerk, "and -and a deuced -bad - bargain," slow ly, "and If I'va got a ter ter- here's your ring!' She had wrenched It off at last. Hut Jack did not take It. Ills dumb dismay had turned to uproarious mirth. It was well a noisy polonaise was In jirogress lu the drawing-room. lis laughed. He kept on laughing. Sud denly the whole ludicrous misunder standing bursting on Ned he struck ill witli a very how l of delight, and they fell Into each other's arms like a couple of crany boys and supiHjrted each other and laughed. Hut, recollecting Jesslcn standing there, Sutherland explained, between shameful rclajisea Into laughter: "It was -a horse. I thought 1 knew all nbout horseilitdi. I knew nothing. I have to take her the Idiocy Is inllie, I fondly fancied I had found a Maud Jim Kmlley's famous nag could beat her. I gave a thousand for her. She's worth and. now you understand!" Tor Jessica had sprung forward, mouth and eyes three sweet, remorse ful "O's!" "Jack-Jack! And how I talked Just now!" all riotous blushes. "I must have, after all, a a the kind of a tern jier you said the horse had." "I'll risk It," laughed Jack. Hccdli-s-s of Mrs. Hryant's small nephew who had entered and stood stock still, nn exclamation jsilnt of In quisitive delight; heedless of Nod, who clung In s le.it, spasmodic convulsions to the Hirtler,.; heedless even, this rash young man. of Mlsa Murphy, that an cient virgin, who, rigid ana rrigia, glowered at him lu an acecs of scan dalized modesty, he took his sweet heart In his nrma with a good, long, loving kis, and thus adoringly addrea- isl her: Poiibted mi, did you? You "on temptlble little wretch!" New York IHspat.h. An Insane Itlrd. j jiftw- a blnl teinjsirarlly Insane once. I believe. I hud is-en wamienng over ihe beaches on the Wenalchli Illvlde after nn uiiuccssrui pheasant ntiui. Seeing a b'.g nd lo aded WoMli(s-ker on yellow p!ne, I let go my 22-ciillber Marlin at h in, mi l kii' ie-u mm uown. loing to d' k him up. I saw the bird lliub the tree from the ground, and ! . ..... n i, i. when he ""'h i"""1 ' " o" w guU to I'e- h SB lust un iil- . vu.u. aiej w r. i-. h like the il-ii'"' hi uie ame tune. He paid no atlelite'li i" , mi ''pi on king and . r-ss'hing, in spite or my efforts to reach him. I Anally sneered ed in ge't.t.g b'm, but best. I picked and re-s hed, ii coiiida't Imagine what was the matter until after wringing his tie. k I examined 1dm, and found that th,- bullet h'l simply crajxM the ikull. r r'.bi' ing. I nil", coiii'iuwloo of tha bruin a! tirr. and 1 temt'-ra luaaiilty, w to snk--Ir'oret and 8txaia. j -! d T . ANB 01. A remarkable temp, mm,.,. , rm a was that dcllv, id by a i,i t l:i r, land w hi, h cole lu. I, , m, ,.. Mill ing htalcliielit to I,', it,,, k: "What makes ye shoot at , r I iu,ll,,r,.'i -p,. drink! Aye, and what makes ye m.s the.nV The drink!" It was iM.fore an Ir.-h trial Justice. The evidence was in. and the plain Mi's attorney had li. i,e a long, elo quent and logical a g iineui. Then the defendant' iiitoi n. ) i,.k the ibmr, What are you il.di.gV" asked the Jus tice, n the lawyer begun. "Colng lo pn--sent our stile of "t,c ,usc" "1 don't want to hear both ',!,, ,iigue,. It has a tlndlney to confuse the C t." So the defetl, bint's luwicr at down. The Viscountess S'.iei htooke, wife of li 'bcit Lowe, was lu ,',,. h il.it of say lug whatever came imm her mind nt tin- moment. The l'i day, said to In r. ugly: "Veil know h ambassador, nc" hat pinion I'. I. in, I Is said to be a iu,, of shop k, , Id. U of till, llllg llo'll. , taij displays." "Ali," I l-le "f different i, e.i'lei stand each oilier i s. 1 ha,) no n il great mill he replied, o) Millie, dl) lot Now, I have lletu.illy that the nation." ("li under the Impression I'letich were a great military A famous astronomer, whose knowl edge of ,n 'ilin,eica facts as a dread ful eiigaie of coiiversnlloii, on,'" ill icrted hiinsclf i,y asking the company If t he.i w , ie n h arc of the Immense dis t hi, e they were from lieu veil. It was. he informed ihem, so many millions of ,1 iiuotcrs of the solar system, and would lake in. my thousand years to travels,., -j don't know the distance ' ibo t ine." exclaimed a Scotchman, who was pieseut. "that It would take you io get io heaven, but I know this, that it will n,,t lake yoq a millionth part of the time to go to the other !'! i.. ... . .... ii is ioi,i or an old Itaptlst iarsoti, ' us In Miglula. that he once visit- ed a plaiiiaiion where the colons! her- (ant who met him at the gale asked which I, ,nn he would have his horse put In. "Haw- .nut two barns?" asked the l,t,,r. .es. sail," replied the sonant, "dar's de old barn, and Mas'r Wales has Jes Imilt a new on. "Where do you usually ut the horses oi cici gy nn ii w im come to see voiir master':" "W ell. sail. If dey's Metho u. si or i.upiisi, we gen ally puts cm in ic ole burn, but f dey's 'Plscopals im- puis tin in I lie new one." ''Well, Hob. you can put my horse In the new i, a in: 1 in a HapiNt, but my horse Is an P.plscopalhiu." A hen captain and a lawyer lived next door to each other. One very windy night the lawyer was reading a book lu his study when a terrilic crash upstairs startled him. I poll In vestigating, he found that n chimney had hurled Itseir through his i t, do- lug considerable damage. He discov ered It was the sea captain's chimney. Hastening dow n to his library, he pull ed out bis law 1 ks and hunted up similar cases, devising and scheming how he could secure satisfaction from tin' detestable captain. W liilc thus en gaged a note arrived from hii enemy thai rend ns follows; "Sir: If yon doii'l return those bricks at once, I will pul Ihu matter ill I he hands of the law." After n very "wet" stag dinner party al a frontier post some years ago the siibjist that came up for discussion was the Mohammedan belief lu fate. To the Mussulmans a man's fale Is written above, and the lime of his ihalh Is set, ami nothing can advance It. This belief had been discussed long and earnestly, (ine olllcer llmillv arose and said there was uo use of ills cussing the mutter any further; the only way was to make a practical test of the question, mid that lie would give himself as ii subject, lie drew his pis tol and showed thai It was loaded. He placed the pistol against his ti-lii) and pulled the trigger. The pistol missed lire, "A trick." yelled the crowd. The fatalist smihsl, and ri cocking ine pistol, aiiiici it with a steady baud at Urn clock on the wall. lie ilred, and the bullet crashed through the center of Hie dial gi.e to mo now," he said, always believed In fate," A polo have A lady was one day approaching the modest home of the 1'nrh li s In Cheynu Walk, says the Haxar. Poor, long sut feiing Jcauille Welsh l'ail Io, up lu I he balcony, looked down at her. "tl, do," she called out, "come In! Mary Ann and I lire so tlnsl of watering Car hi,'!" The lady entered, and was es corted to the little garden at the hack ,.f the house. There -Ii was s hot day sat the great man, lu a pool of water. I ,,r hours the two devovd uoim n hud been taking turns In del iging the flag stones around him by menus of a large watering pot. lie was very particular that Hot a drop should touch his sacred person, W hlell Uo dollbt doubled till' iblliculty of the t peratiou. The same aiiihoilly rela'es that Mrs. Cai'lyle bad a dog whh'h she l,,ed; but It Would come III w 1th ibrty feel, and '.he h,h u-ellc-phi,,so,i, r ,,l,J,s ed. No one hum willing to wash the creature, yet lit had to lie cleaned somehow. Finally there was an .'inaiigemeut made with li local lauii'li, ss. and she washed him every w, I; inlliig him lioine clean i ,,; lies. In a basket v III, tin I hn I rent 00 nt of Itloycle l.aniia. If a bright hght a ml a free combus tion are 10 be maintained In a cycle lump, it I ' necessary at tutorials to cleanse tl e Intel lor of (he accumu late! lampU.o k, which will otherwise fall In flak's upon ihv wick and cause smoking W I .en signs of foulness ap j ;i r . remove 1I.0 reservoir and scrnpc the top of ti e l imp clear Of black de posit. If then- has Is-en any leakage of oil, the whole of tlie lamp may be rleatiid by l.nii.eisllig in warm water, 1 oiitulnliig a linle soap and some soda. Cure should be taken to remove all tar nish from the reflector and front glass. I niipwl, ks generally become until for us, before they arc fully consumed, ow ing in the effects of (onilnucd limner s ou In the oil: and the frequentO lialig Ing of Ihe v. k is another secret of In suring a good light, enquired nicks, sold lu l,M of a dozen, should be us,. I A whk will be found to rt-tilu Us quality for at b-nst a month. The n-QTvoir should not l couipluteli (jl- j ortr.eoti, when bean J. w iii ''iy overflow. Always feed ni. trim a lamp before starting on a il.ie Turn Ing iiji the nick too high i the usual cause of smoking, but an iiiiirlmmeil :.k iaiill, be ei,,sl .i gne h,m.,1 ii sulis. IT o Mi .'lier H e mm oi tbn lamp ic, ,. t:i. gr, .m r it:,, atteu.ioii r quired to ko p It ill ctllelcl I older I 'P oi din.ii rubtig purpi's, , ,i hle. of al oll! lour'ecll "eight Is perhaps the most ,1, Ine, In uie , s in -h.it,: ONE OF LINCOLN'S STORIES. The M mi V Hii Trie, I tu Adv ti ife ('iiiiliondrr nt I'm er-Merlin . The following anecdote by t.lncolu Is lecotiuied by ib in ral lbia, e Porter ;u his 'l ampalgiiiiig w th liruni" lu the t'ciiiury. It was t,,,l during Lincoln' isit to the front at City Point. lu the coill'hc of the conversation ih.it evening he hpoke if the Improvciiietii In nriii a in I ,iu, u, nun!., n, and of ,c new powder prepared for the illtccu Im li guns, lie hald he had m ver t u tbe hitler article, but he understood it differed very mu.h from any other powder I tut I liad ever been used. ,,, him that I happened to hate III my tent II specimen Which hid I II mil lo headquarters as a curiosity, and that I would bring it io ti i in. When 1 r,... lll'hc, with a gram of the pow dor about ihe sire of a walnut, he look It, Untied ll oer In his burnt, and alter cMinilnlng h carefully, said: "Well, It's rather larger than Hie powder we used lo buy lu my shooting dais. I. re minds uie of what occurred once lu q country meeting house In Sangamon I'l'imiy. Vou see, there were ery few newspapers then, mid the country storekeepers tin, I lo resort to s e oili er mean of advert Isiim t lu-lr wares. If, for Instance, Hie preacher happened to be late lu coining to a prayer meet ing of all c riling, the hhopkeepeis would often pin Iii Hit- time while the people were walling by notifying then of any new arrival of an iiltractlvc lino of goods. "One evening imin rose up and said; Ibcllneu, h' me la' e occasion to say, while we're a wall In', that I ha e Jest rocrlu-il a new Inv'lre of hportlll' pow - Her. Hie grains are so small you klu KcaVcly tor 'em wlih the naked rye, and polished up so Hue ion klu stand up and comb yer lia'r in front o' one o' them grains Jesi like It was a look In' glass. Hope you'll come down to my store al the crossroads ami examine that powder for yoni-helvcs.' "W In n he had got about this far a rival powder merchant in the u ilng, who had been boiling over with ludlg nation al the amount of advertising the Opposition powder W.ls Mi lling, J ,e, tqi mid i rid oin. Itretliieu. I iopu you'll not hciicif n single word Hrotlicr Jolics has been mm In' alioiit that pow. del'. I've been down thar liiul seen It for myself, and I pledge you mv word , that the grains Is bigger than Ihe lumps III a coal pile; and any one of you, brethren, ef you was in your future state, could put a bar' I o' thai powder ou your shoulder and march rquar' (hioiig (he yiilphiii'loiis Humes sur rouiuliu' you without the least danger of an explosion.' " Tbe I' so 1 11I (.iriiftc. "I'sifulV" said the old circus liuiii. "Why. In many ways, the jjirall'e Is the most useful of all animals in a circus. The t'lephlllll Is good; you rail halo htm push or pull heavy loads, or you ran hook him up lo t no can, mid havi hi. 11 haul 11 child around the ring lu It. This always pleased Hie pie very pinch, to see tlie elephant haul a lllthi go-cart around when It would be Just as easy for il to haul a house. Put that never began lo please I hem so I1111M1, for Instance, as It did to see the glraffj light tho lumps. Wu had 11 giraffe that was fullv eighteen feel high. Humph! The tall est giraffe I ever saw. We iiIwiivj used tu have him light the Iuiiim ll roll lid the center pole before the even j lug sliuw. These lamps were 011 a 1 square frame around the pole, held up ' by a rope running over a iulley. Tin ordinary way of lighting tlieui was lo 1 lower the frame down to the ground and light the lamps and then h'ist her up. Hut we always usisl to have the giraffe light 'em. .Inst before tlie show was going tu Is-glii, tent full of people, and everylsuly wondering why It was so kind u' dark, in would come tho j glinffe' keeper carrying a lighted torch, and artcr him the giraffe. They'd walk out Into the center of tho ring j mid walk around the center pole und halt, and then (lie giraffe would bow around to the audience. It was funny . enough to see him how; but w hen he'd ' got through bowing he'd bend his head ! down and take the torch In his teeth 1 and then raise his head up ami walk around ami reach up ami light the lamps on the frame. When he got 'em nil lit he'd give the torch back to the j keeper, ami Ihiw all around again, nml thru walk off, the keeper following him with the lighted torch. "I'lilic Why! It used to tickle Un people most half to death," New York Sun. Tim l.aiiminge of a I'et liagle. Mr. W. l.o (.'. Heard writes lu St. Nicholas of a pet eagle named Moses, which he caught in the Arizona desert. Mr. Heard said: Moses had a language of his own, which, by the constant practice he gave us, we soon learned to understand. It consisted of a series of cries, nil harsh ami iierve-rasplug, but perfectly distinct, each one exjiresslng a different emotion. Thus, rage, en treaty, excitement and pleasure well) each easily dlstlugulslnsl by those w ho knew him well. Ills one syllable note of greeting was more explosive and perhaps a shade less disagreeable than the rest; and lie hud 11N0 a low, croon Ing sort of murmur; but this he used only In soliloquy, so to us It expressisl only tlie fad that Moses was talking over things w ith himself. 1 Im hilii r Tree, tuiw-ler, who has recentjy explored the countiy about ( iiie Negro In Af rica, tells of a curious plant called tla spider tree. It grows mi windy plains, It s.eiii iituilulug a diameter of four feet, although It does not exceed olio foot lu height. It put out (wo leaves, each six or eight feet III length, ami these are spilt by ihe w hitting of Ihu wind, Into a number of si Iff. narrow rthlxiiii, bearing tin little rcsoinhlu lie -to the leg of a gigantic spider. This rcsc uihliihce becomes startling wheu a strong hrccr.e nits Hie log like leave lu'o rapid motion, and the negroes shlv. erlugly exclaim Hint the great spider la txuigllDg to get loose, I SITPOSE WE SMIf HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM Tt-E COMIC PAPERS. It. sunt liKolrnls I Vi-ii r riii., .i,. W orl.t Ow r hajrln... thal Are l heor I") I.. HI, I r Ttuil- Kiln ii t-eliv Hon. that i:.irlioil, Will :nj,. 1 lie N, !., The first arrival W hy. what is th ,t llolse. W lllleV IV 1 1 ... j.,. . , . . " '" papa mid mamma trying to get the family skeleton ,a, k Into ihe closet before Hie guests nr rive. Truth. Movements oil Knot. Jinks There is a man who has a tiuiiii'ei' of movements ou foot for mak ing money. Kinks Who Is he? Jinks I don't know his iniiiie. but he's a dam lug teacher.- New York Adv el I Iscr. Still Mure I'm Iftil. He Ii must be dreadful when a pm. fcssioiuil singer knows she has lost her Voire. SI,,, !nt it l.sllll more dreadful w hen shels mil aware of Ihe fact. Standard. I SliliMBC. "II. n!" said I he doctor, who had am ple,! Ids patient's ho of cigars mid "' I at hU chest with his stethn- scope, heart. "ll sounds to nie like cabliage Minneapolis Journal. Alithorllr. ' vl' men." said I'liele P.ben, "kin train er i,,g ter do anyflng dey tells 'Im an' al de same time raise de inos' il.sobjeiiioiicsl chilltlll lu de nelghlm" hood " Washington Star. Ir e, I In Tell Ihn Truth. She (after Hie holo ynnsiui- Vou to reived me. You o, me then inoiiey tomliig to you. wns lie es, I meant yours. - llostoii Traiiseiipi. He K nr iv Ham Unit Well. ill Wl ... Say, Jeein. doe vou know ilal Sam Jinks am great os 'uicuiIht In' faces? 1 I'al limy be. Hut when It I comes to borrowed money de faculty - samier ichus htm. Ilrljo-d Illm. ' Mrs. Pi ake-1 can't see w hy a j great lug fellow like ymt should Is g. I Hungry I lank-Well un, I s'poso ' me size helps to gimme ail apis'tlte. Truth. Tnlerr.lln, to tha Mergr. A minister who used tu preach hi Somen Ille had a little Isiy. A few days I before Ins lalher left the city lo go til his new parish one of his neighbor , said to Ihe little Isiy: I "so your rather Is going to work In I New Itedford, Is he?" j The Utile boy h Hiked Up wondering!)'. ; "oh. 1111," he said. "Only preach." I Somen Ille Journal. Tlis Modern Mr! tin, I. ''Has Mr. Ie liroken proposed to you yet.. I lea I rhi'?" "No. but he has a lawyer looking Into papa's llmiiiriul affairs." Detroit 1'l'ee Press. OIvIiik Him Lift. "I thought per lia ps you would glvo a lift, hii," he said, a he entered the oilier. "You will Hud the elevator In the front of the building," replied tho bookkeeper. Judge. A r tin mux nf Heart. "Is Maud still thinking of Joining a religious sisterhood V" "Hraoloiis. no! 11,-r falher Ismght her a new bicycle."- Indianapolis Journal. A 1, 11 11. t a Fatal lllnw. I lrsi Chappie-Aw, say, old feller, how d'yer get thai, aw, big lump on your forehead? Second t happle Aw, I wun against one or those bwutal toy balloons ou llth street.-New York World. Kavorltlam. I BABY 1 Kit "ll ain't the Hirliry loss of the prize I cares about," said Mrs. iumprodgers, who had failed to score In any event, "It's the InvidgiHius favoritism o' the ole thliig!"-Ally Sloper. Jn.t llrtwrrn r'rlrnit. Miss older- Men must lie growing Iliore iollte. I get seats III street car much ufteuer than I did a few years ago. Miss Cutting -Well, It'a a mighty 1110:111 man that will let an old lady stand. New York Journal. Itlr. "Im ui really have a snap a Oi 11 in '!'- pilvato aeeretnry ?" "Well. I should ss) ,. All I have to do Is to ki ,'p Mm lu fond excuse for staying out bit,'." Det rolt Free Pn-s. Ha ar tilas. "I wants i..r , ' ii4 1 I'ulwmlo Pad de. coming aboard he ulg ocean sieamer, "de ma 0 a n'w -of dls float. See" - . "All right," sahl on of L sailor, picking t 1 111 up and dropping t.'ui over the stem, "take a look at the lrcp Her." ClucluuuU Cowmerrlal Tribune. II ii ' 1 I'.rastus .mm, lii Will On HI. Oor4. Dr rowder-Ah! How ar yon to JT. Mr Gllrop? Jilimp-Do you ask as to inqulrln friend or as my famllyr phy.lclan?- 1 ii.ladelph a Nor, , American. Ill,- I'ropcr lhln. I) I ..... I . -t . . Mr. o iiiiiigiiaru-.re vou an the dog show ? or .Manchester ''ertalidy I alwayi "pring. Pittsburg take bark In th.. liroiiicle-Telegraidi Hiinur .Mamma. "I don't bke your slq p, r, ma." "That' strange. thought It would nil ioti Just rlghl."-Town Tojilca. A Crrst I nUcrlskioa. t'hltlseraper ins he renll7.es the mng tiltude of his task) -1 don't do this 'ere Job by the piece, guv'nor. I shall hava to charge you ,y the hour.- Kxcluiuge. HrlsTfl. "I have come to tell you the story of my love." The form of the beautiful girl at his side stirred uneasily. "Not yet, not yet," she said Inqierlous ly: "I must wait " She glanced furtively In the direc tion of the curtained alcove off the par lor. "I'or my stenographer."-New York Tribune. A Oooit Hot. II. what has Tom 111 v Is'i'ii Pa the ler w doing today? Mother lie cut tiff a piece of the cat's tall, broke three w indows, black ened the cook's eye, and built a Ism tlre In Ihe cellar. lather-Is that all? Tommy must have lsen a good boy today. New York Tribune. Infantile tra. One little girl -My fat her belongs lo one of the first families. The other little girl -My paw alwaya sii's Hie tlrst bluebird every spring lndlaiuiM,lls Journal. f ucce.a. Soxey I suppose the reason rrtmjva Is so successful Is ou account of tho Interest he take In hi business. Kinney-1 should say so. On every thing you leave with him he take 10 ier cent.- Pittsburg New. -ultra r.lther Way. "Please, lr, pa setit me over to bor niw your dn-ss suit, but If you'd prefer to let him take your w heel he'd Just a soou go for a ride." Cleveland Plain Healer. Fnlure llnpea. Ilohslc - 1 did uot see you all last auin nier. I suisise you were very inucli engaged? I.oulso No, only to alKiut Ave fel lows, but I hope to do hotter this season- New York Tribune. The Man of It. Husband-If you refuse to believe me there I nothing more to lie said. Wife 1 dou't believe a word you say. Ilnsbiind-Very well, then, let u talk the whole matter over without quarn-b lug about It.-Iietrolt Pre l'res. Convenient Contrlvanca, . Old Hald win give lit pateut fly b rusher anil persplratlou wiper a trial trlji. l.ustlge matter. , Her llpw.nl rilsht. Hewitt-1 hear your servant left without giving you any notice. Jewett Yes; she lighted the Are with keroeue. New York Tribune. I'aulnnlna Fartr. Mr. (Joldsteln I key, I key! Felix ha ivallf red a is-nny. Mr. (loldateln Vot a grivat jsiy! Al retty he vanta to shtart In jiceilntw a a jiwiny In der lot machine. Tld-Bits. Not a nbstantlal Fonadatlon. "Your son haa plenty of sand, don't you think?" "About enough to build false hopes on." Truth. Any curt PchnoL Mr. CrlmsoulM-ak Doe Pr. Goeasy belong to the old school? .Mr. Crlmsoulieak Y'ea; any old school, I guess. Youkers Statesman. In Accontanc. "He's a very Biunll man, Isn't be physically, 1 mean." "Y'e, and not seriously out of propor. Hon, either." Detroit News. The "Hilrlta." Iu the course of a lecture In Pitts burg lately. M. Paul du Challlu, the African explorer, told how he once eoiitnilled a race of cannibal on the Dark Continent. He had a number of Waterbury watches, whose ticking completely uonplused the savages and caused them to regard htm as "spir it." lie made a practice of leaving one of these watches lu the villages where he had stopped. After a while the watch, of course, ran down and atop jH'd, and the cannibals said that the spirits had gone to overtake their mas ter. When Du Challlu returned to these village he alwaya got the watch that he had left behind, aud unobserv ed, wound It up again. Tbe uatlves heard the ticking coutluued, declared again that the explorer was a "spirit," and did their utmost to please him. Marriage. Third marriage are not favored by the Husnlnn Church. It baa Just leaued a decree Imposing a ndlglou penance of from three to live years lu leugih up in all widow and widowers who at tempt nissHuiony for the third time; and for all widows who marry after the age of alxty a rigid penance of two yearn' duration la prescribed. I fSta f' i I . . to